Friday, October 9, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Do thin/average/athletic girls do anything for you?
-Anonymous
How much does fat factor into whether you like a girl or not?
-Just Ethel
About as much as being thin factors into how much most guys like a girl I suppose. It's sort of like being around other members of your gender if you're a zero on the Kinsey scale; it's not that you're revolted or find them unattractive so much as it won't even occur to you to think about them sexually at all. With exceptions of course; even "normal" guys fuck a fatty now and then - and don't hate it. A Kinsey zero myself I occasionally notice an exceptionally attractive dude (usually named Rhett Miller) and I occasionally crush on an exceptionally pretty thin girl (does Nigella Lawson count?). I've even dated a few.
Even if the girl was as stunning as a one-chinned organism ever looks, at this point in my life I'd question the long-term prospects of such a relationship. With a sex life devoid of fat asses, I reckon I'd start coveting everyone I see leaving an Ashley Stewart or Wal-Mart. And probably grow to resent the thin girl from standing in the way of my passion/preference/perversion.
And another issue: I identify as a fat admirer and I'm out about it to family, friends, and the various colleagues I'll be tweeting this update to when we go live. I wouldn't be able to just fake being something I'm not, or stop hanging out with my fat community friends, or stop going to BBW events (or stop writing this blog for that matter). And this hypothetical thin girl would have to be extraordinarily understanding to tolerate her boyfriend's participation with a culture she's not obligated to put up with, not to mention the occasional 400+ lb. houseguest. What girl, thin or otherwise, would want to be with someone knowing his attraction is despite her body? And that everyone he knows is aware as well? Sure I find thin girls attractive. But that pursuit in the long-term would be unlikely indeed.
-Anonymous
How much does fat factor into whether you like a girl or not?
-Just Ethel
About as much as being thin factors into how much most guys like a girl I suppose. It's sort of like being around other members of your gender if you're a zero on the Kinsey scale; it's not that you're revolted or find them unattractive so much as it won't even occur to you to think about them sexually at all. With exceptions of course; even "normal" guys fuck a fatty now and then - and don't hate it. A Kinsey zero myself I occasionally notice an exceptionally attractive dude (usually named Rhett Miller) and I occasionally crush on an exceptionally pretty thin girl (does Nigella Lawson count?). I've even dated a few.
Even if the girl was as stunning as a one-chinned organism ever looks, at this point in my life I'd question the long-term prospects of such a relationship. With a sex life devoid of fat asses, I reckon I'd start coveting everyone I see leaving an Ashley Stewart or Wal-Mart. And probably grow to resent the thin girl from standing in the way of my passion/preference/perversion.
And another issue: I identify as a fat admirer and I'm out about it to family, friends, and the various colleagues I'll be tweeting this update to when we go live. I wouldn't be able to just fake being something I'm not, or stop hanging out with my fat community friends, or stop going to BBW events (or stop writing this blog for that matter). And this hypothetical thin girl would have to be extraordinarily understanding to tolerate her boyfriend's participation with a culture she's not obligated to put up with, not to mention the occasional 400+ lb. houseguest. What girl, thin or otherwise, would want to be with someone knowing his attraction is despite her body? And that everyone he knows is aware as well? Sure I find thin girls attractive. But that pursuit in the long-term would be unlikely indeed.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
I want fat sex. I want my jiggly bits rubbed and squished and fondled sexually. He knows I'm the most frisky after he gives me all-over massages but it's not sexual for him, it's the whole nurture-love thing. I feel a lot of my body is ignored. And at 5' and 260lbs, that's a lot!
So I've turned to posting on FA-focused image boards to get my "fat sex" fantasies out and make a little money on the side (sometimes). I just don't know how to describe fat sex to my boyfriend. I don't want to cheat on him to get what I want and feel I need and I would hate it if he was just going through the motions.
My question is- is there a solution? A half-way point? A way to try to get him to become an FA. He's always feeding me fattening foods (and making sure I eat healthy too so he's not a "feeder") but it makes me think there's an FA inside him that he might not even know is there. He claims he gets me these treats to make me happy but I think it's so I don't lose too much weight. I'm on a medicine that keeps me pretty much at this weight and while he encourages me to get down to 200 (still big) I have a feeling he doesn't want me to go below that. I mention 100 lbs as something a doc recommended and he almost seems repulsed by the idea.
I think there's an FA in him. He's no closet case. We are very affectionate in public and he proudly announces me as his girlfriend at every opportunity. And introduces me as such. I want to bring out his inner FA if there is one that I think there is. Any suggestions?
-Big Fat Sexy Kitty
Not sexual for him, eh? That's a pretty lousy reason to not grant your lady's requests in bed. And ironically enough, the stuff he's turning down--like pleasuring himself between your rolls--would be more directly erogenous for him than you. He sounds like he needs a clue, so show him a few. Image boards; great. Call him over to the screen and point to some direct diagrams you want him to reenact with you on the floor. If you don't speak up, your assumptions will only lead to paranoia and make you nuts, like your silly worry that by granting your wishes he'd only be going through the motions (in plenty of cases, partners will begin to get turned on themselves to activity they observe their partner getting off on so enthusiastically). being upfront with the dude is best. You need this stuff in bed, you're rationalizing Ways Not to Cheat, he'd probably better start doing stuff that's "not sexual for him."
This said...you're being wishful and reading way too hard into a guy who doesn't sound much like an FA. Feeding you fattening and healthy foods? Isn't that...both kinds of food? He prefers them over 100 and under 200? Isn't that...most guys? Acknowledging his girlfriend's existence in public? Isn't that...anyone who's not an asshole retard? I don't think you're with an FA, dude. I think you're with a nice guy who appreciates you regardless. He needs to be more attentive to the spots you're directing his hands (you are directing his hands, right?), but you can't turn him into something he's not.
So I've turned to posting on FA-focused image boards to get my "fat sex" fantasies out and make a little money on the side (sometimes). I just don't know how to describe fat sex to my boyfriend. I don't want to cheat on him to get what I want and feel I need and I would hate it if he was just going through the motions.
My question is- is there a solution? A half-way point? A way to try to get him to become an FA. He's always feeding me fattening foods (and making sure I eat healthy too so he's not a "feeder") but it makes me think there's an FA inside him that he might not even know is there. He claims he gets me these treats to make me happy but I think it's so I don't lose too much weight. I'm on a medicine that keeps me pretty much at this weight and while he encourages me to get down to 200 (still big) I have a feeling he doesn't want me to go below that. I mention 100 lbs as something a doc recommended and he almost seems repulsed by the idea.
I think there's an FA in him. He's no closet case. We are very affectionate in public and he proudly announces me as his girlfriend at every opportunity. And introduces me as such. I want to bring out his inner FA if there is one that I think there is. Any suggestions?
-Big Fat Sexy Kitty
Not sexual for him, eh? That's a pretty lousy reason to not grant your lady's requests in bed. And ironically enough, the stuff he's turning down--like pleasuring himself between your rolls--would be more directly erogenous for him than you. He sounds like he needs a clue, so show him a few. Image boards; great. Call him over to the screen and point to some direct diagrams you want him to reenact with you on the floor. If you don't speak up, your assumptions will only lead to paranoia and make you nuts, like your silly worry that by granting your wishes he'd only be going through the motions (in plenty of cases, partners will begin to get turned on themselves to activity they observe their partner getting off on so enthusiastically). being upfront with the dude is best. You need this stuff in bed, you're rationalizing Ways Not to Cheat, he'd probably better start doing stuff that's "not sexual for him."
This said...you're being wishful and reading way too hard into a guy who doesn't sound much like an FA. Feeding you fattening and healthy foods? Isn't that...both kinds of food? He prefers them over 100 and under 200? Isn't that...most guys? Acknowledging his girlfriend's existence in public? Isn't that...anyone who's not an asshole retard? I don't think you're with an FA, dude. I think you're with a nice guy who appreciates you regardless. He needs to be more attentive to the spots you're directing his hands (you are directing his hands, right?), but you can't turn him into something he's not.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Polled 134 women in the BBW community on "What's the worst trait a male FA could have?" and here's how the results stacked out:
Approximately 39% said: Closeted (avoids introducing you to friends and family or possibly seeing you in public at all)
17% said: Size criticism (telling women they're too small or not big enough)
15% said: Creepy (sends you unsolicited misspelled or inappropriate messages, sometimes repeatedly)
11% said: Promiscuity (slept with - or tries to sleep with - everyone you know)
5% said: Unsatisfactory penis size (just to put the boot on the other foot)
5% said: Other (something not mentioned here)
4% said: Poor fatiquette (walks too fast when you're out or selects restaurants with tiny booths)
1% said: Lets self become unattractive (please choose this only if it's the person's own fault)
The most alarming stat was the that last one, it doesn't bode well for the stereotype of fat girl desperation that voters would put up with their partner not taking care of themselves or maintaining the body their other half loves. But by a landslide - thank fuck - 39% are not so desperate that they'd knowingly put up with an FA who'd hide them from friends and family. As one reader puts it, "closet cases are the worst by far. The rest are avoidable/ignorable...closet isn't always as obvious until it's too late. Closet cases aren't always 'come over my house at midnight to fuck so I don't have to be seen in public with you.' Sometimes its more like, all the sudden you realize it's been 10 dates and you haven't met any of their friends yet."
I pegged creepiness higher but I guess those guys don't really make it to the dating stage do they (though a few do). Size criticism of women came in higher than expected and doesn't quite jive with the 1% of gals who'll put up with however their man looks. Really, ladies, you have the right to a preference just like we do, and we use it, trust me. Doesn't excuse us telling you how you should look to suit us though. Dudes need to reject more politely, not matter-of-factly tell someone to gain a few, which is just as obnoxious as telling someone to lose some first, fat-positive subculture or no fat-positive subculture.
Some of the comments for 'other':
"For me, the worst personal thing I've come up with for guys is the whole fact that they want to live online and not in real life. I have no desire to just 'talk' about sexy stuff and/or meet ups with people, I want to do it, and yet the few guys who have contacted me only want to live in some fantasy land that stays on the net."
"Someone I know told me recently that one of the things that annoy them is the number of people online who talk a good game about being a FA, and yet this all exists in their head, as they've never actually dated a fat person before. They're like 'put up or shut up,' and I have to say, I agree. I don't mind staying in fantasy land if someone is up front about it, but why so many keep up the illusion that one day they'll move from make-believe to reality is beyond me."
"Has anyone ever done a study to determine where FAs place in terms of mean salary? I'm guessing it would be below average, sadly. Most (not all, but most) financially successful men care obsessively about image, and would be most vulnerable to peer pressure about the type of women they 'should' be worth. Poorer men are often more independent, sooner to flout conventional rules and social strictures -- but that tends not to advance their careers."
"The type that bugs me most is the one who is so completely ruled by his 'FA-ness' that he can't focus on anything else - everything revolves around how much he loves fat and the effects/consequences of it....to the point of mind-numbing boredom that makes me want to jump out a window. When EVERYTHING is about my being fat. All conversation, all sex, all activities. I'm a person who happens to be fat. Fat does not define who I am."
Approximately 39% said: Closeted (avoids introducing you to friends and family or possibly seeing you in public at all)
17% said: Size criticism (telling women they're too small or not big enough)
15% said: Creepy (sends you unsolicited misspelled or inappropriate messages, sometimes repeatedly)
11% said: Promiscuity (slept with - or tries to sleep with - everyone you know)
5% said: Unsatisfactory penis size (just to put the boot on the other foot)
5% said: Other (something not mentioned here)
4% said: Poor fatiquette (walks too fast when you're out or selects restaurants with tiny booths)
1% said: Lets self become unattractive (please choose this only if it's the person's own fault)
The most alarming stat was the that last one, it doesn't bode well for the stereotype of fat girl desperation that voters would put up with their partner not taking care of themselves or maintaining the body their other half loves. But by a landslide - thank fuck - 39% are not so desperate that they'd knowingly put up with an FA who'd hide them from friends and family. As one reader puts it, "closet cases are the worst by far. The rest are avoidable/ignorable...closet isn't always as obvious until it's too late. Closet cases aren't always 'come over my house at midnight to fuck so I don't have to be seen in public with you.' Sometimes its more like, all the sudden you realize it's been 10 dates and you haven't met any of their friends yet."
I pegged creepiness higher but I guess those guys don't really make it to the dating stage do they (though a few do). Size criticism of women came in higher than expected and doesn't quite jive with the 1% of gals who'll put up with however their man looks. Really, ladies, you have the right to a preference just like we do, and we use it, trust me. Doesn't excuse us telling you how you should look to suit us though. Dudes need to reject more politely, not matter-of-factly tell someone to gain a few, which is just as obnoxious as telling someone to lose some first, fat-positive subculture or no fat-positive subculture.
Some of the comments for 'other':
"For me, the worst personal thing I've come up with for guys is the whole fact that they want to live online and not in real life. I have no desire to just 'talk' about sexy stuff and/or meet ups with people, I want to do it, and yet the few guys who have contacted me only want to live in some fantasy land that stays on the net."
"Someone I know told me recently that one of the things that annoy them is the number of people online who talk a good game about being a FA, and yet this all exists in their head, as they've never actually dated a fat person before. They're like 'put up or shut up,' and I have to say, I agree. I don't mind staying in fantasy land if someone is up front about it, but why so many keep up the illusion that one day they'll move from make-believe to reality is beyond me."
"Has anyone ever done a study to determine where FAs place in terms of mean salary? I'm guessing it would be below average, sadly. Most (not all, but most) financially successful men care obsessively about image, and would be most vulnerable to peer pressure about the type of women they 'should' be worth. Poorer men are often more independent, sooner to flout conventional rules and social strictures -- but that tends not to advance their careers."
"The type that bugs me most is the one who is so completely ruled by his 'FA-ness' that he can't focus on anything else - everything revolves around how much he loves fat and the effects/consequences of it....to the point of mind-numbing boredom that makes me want to jump out a window. When EVERYTHING is about my being fat. All conversation, all sex, all activities. I'm a person who happens to be fat. Fat does not define who I am."
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Is there any difference between 'thin' sex and 'fat' sex? I ask because one of the people who'd previously posed a question said they enjoyed one over the other. Don't thin people shag like fat ones do??
-Tau
Some female readers are already on the case: "To me, the difference between 'regular' sex and fat sex lies in the focus. A BBW and a non-FA partner probably engage in typical sex where he focuses on her breasts, hips, butt and avoids her big belly and other wobbly parts."
As opposed to?
"One word: frottage. Okay, two words: fat frottage."
They're both right. The difference is whether or not you choose to ignore a great amount of your partner's body in bed or embrace it, which could mean anything from belly rubs to well, belly sex.
-Tau
Some female readers are already on the case: "To me, the difference between 'regular' sex and fat sex lies in the focus. A BBW and a non-FA partner probably engage in typical sex where he focuses on her breasts, hips, butt and avoids her big belly and other wobbly parts."
As opposed to?
"One word: frottage. Okay, two words: fat frottage."
They're both right. The difference is whether or not you choose to ignore a great amount of your partner's body in bed or embrace it, which could mean anything from belly rubs to well, belly sex.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I know it's just a simple question but... Do you have any tips for someone who told their girlfriend about their sexuality from the get-go and wants to convince her that it's actually not that important to him? I've covered the "yes, I'm serious" step, it's just that it's not something I want her to dwell upon and be self-conscious about. Thanks!
Well, how's she taking it? I think you're in the clear unless you know, you dwell on it. You let her know and now it's up to her if she has any questions. If it really concerns you that she barely identify you with it, be warm and receptive if she brings it up but otherwise leave it be. If she's actually acting self-conscious, demonstrate in non-verbal ways that you're serious. Protect her waist with your arm. Don't neglect her fatty parts in bed. Be attentive to her reactions and adjust your behavior if she gets weird about it. And just to tack it on here again, "don't be creepy" is always a good rule of thumb.
-thedetails
Well, how's she taking it? I think you're in the clear unless you know, you dwell on it. You let her know and now it's up to her if she has any questions. If it really concerns you that she barely identify you with it, be warm and receptive if she brings it up but otherwise leave it be. If she's actually acting self-conscious, demonstrate in non-verbal ways that you're serious. Protect her waist with your arm. Don't neglect her fatty parts in bed. Be attentive to her reactions and adjust your behavior if she gets weird about it. And just to tack it on here again, "don't be creepy" is always a good rule of thumb.
Monday, March 30, 2009
I'm not on the cusp. I'm one hundred percent a fat girl. As far as I know I've never been with a guy who identifies as an FA, bit I have known several and am good friends with a handful, to the point where we've discussed their taste in women. Here's my question: do you think that there's possibly a bit of a gap in the continuum, between like 'Fat' and 'FAT.', where a girl is just frankly too fat for any 'regular' guy (non-FA), but completely not fat enough for an FA to ever be interested? Because at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure that's where I reside. Bodily speaking I've really got all the parts - huge belly, big old ham thighs, backrolls, the works. But altogether as a package I just fail to take up as much room as any of the fat women I know to whom FAs flock like swallows to Capistrano. I've even asked FAs whom I know if they would ever think I'm attractive (awkward, I realize, but less so in context), and whether it's deflection or not the answer I always get is: "You've got a great personality (etc), but I like women who are larger than you. Sorry! *noogie* Let's go get a beer, sport." Now I know the 'great personality' line is pretty much guyspeak for 'your face gives me dry heaves but you also tell funny jokes sometimes', but focusing on the fat aspect:...
Just asking: as a guy who likes fat chicks and who presumably networks with other guys who do, honestly: is there any hope for me? Because if there is, I know it's definitely not emanating from the non-FA end of the spectrum. Again, I am just way, way too fat for any of them. The FA end is the one I'm holding out hope for.
With that said, however, feel free to crush that hope if necessary.
I hope this blog doesn't turn into people just emailing to ask "is there hope for me?" because a) I don't know any of you and b) I could never tell anyone to just stop looking, you're hopeless. If I knew someone who was hopeless, I'd be able to identify why they're hopeless (body odor, prior sex offenses, sociopathic behavior) and give it to them straight, provided they won't kill me.
No need to crush that hope; there's not actually someone for everyone but that doesn't put you on one side or the other. I don't know if your face will make me dry-heave because I've never seen it, but your email displays a fair amount of personality so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you just Haven't Found One Yet.
That said, some of info you gave me is confusing or conflicted: you've never been with anyone who identifies as an FA but you also stated you're too fat for non-FAs. Because you said "as far as I know" and not "I've never had a date" I'm going to assume you've successfully dated a few non-FAs, actually! Then the issue of your size...I don't know what size you are exactly, but left to guess, I doubt the universe lined it up so you're at some one-in-a-million exact height/weight cutoff for FAs/non-FAs. More likely you just haven't found one yet.
So here are some suggestions. If you are indeed positive it's your size or shape that's unattractive, why not try toning exercises, not to slim down, but maybe to make your fat more shapely? I know people in the 300-400 lb. range who work out to retain their shape. I've never exercised in my life except for the occasional crunch, but I think squats shape your butt and push-ups do your chest. But before you do that even, if you have as good platonic relationships with your FA friends as you say, grant them amnesty (if you promise not to ask them out) and ask them if it's your face or some weird mole you haven't told me about or what. It's possible you're just too small for them but I find it hard to believe based on your history that non-FAs are off the table entirely if you're really that not-fat-enough. Oh, and keep looking.
EDIT: this reader has identified herself to me and I assure that she's perfectly cute. Either looking in the wrong places or she must smell horrible.
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