Thursday, May 26, 2011

just to clarify

In case anyone's just arriving here from listening to the West Michigan radio show that interviewed me this morning, I've relaunched this blog on Tumblr, as Camille has helpfully pointed out. You can ask new questions there. This space will remain active, and I might even return to it if Tumblr pisses me off too much, but that's where it's at for now.

Saturday, May 14, 2011


so this blog and its humble creator were featured in camille dodero's "guys who like fat chicks" article last week. first a little about that. camille's a wonderful lady DISCLOSUREDISCLOSUREDISCLOSUREALERT for whom i have worked for a few years. she saw pics of my lady + i on facebook and some of my fat-related status updates and was interested in doing a piece on a relatively young generation of males who openly or not-so-openly date beautiful women whom society may or may not be total dicks to. 99.9999999999999999% of the time i would have refused handing my personal life over to the fat-hating media (lol). but i met her in person and she was very sweet and intelligent and flat-out uninterested in the typical media-circus points of fat coverage: porn, fetishes, people dumb enough to go on maury. she wanted to cover the boring stuff because the boring stuff about fat is the story. she wanted to talk to mostly guys (and some women) who talk like normal young perverts who say dumb things like "my dick is punk rock" (thankfully that did not make it into the story) "it's like one giant boob" (that um did). i think it was really funny and i've heard from community outsiders it was insightful and i don't want to brag but i think a few people who normally would not go looking for bodypart-oriented communities are now aware they have the option to be fetishized as ridiculous sex goddesses if they feel like. (that's the cool thing about the """""FAT COMMUNITY""""": you can shut it off, it only exists online!)

i'm incredibly proud of this piece for the following reasons:

- i'm supposed to save this for the "last but not least" slot but my gf looks smoking the fuck hot on the [almost -ed] cover and her eyes look great and her belly looks great and her dress and arm and butt looks great and that's my luckyfucky hand she's affixing to it with her psychohot grabhand and my lips look great and thank you thank you photographer dude for cropping out as much of my rain-and-humidity-and-baldness-soiled hair as possible

- did i mention the cover? fat girl allowed to look beautiful in a beautiful form-fitting dress and everything on the cover of the fucking voice

- i'm quoted about boobs about four billion times which makes me sound like this boob-obsessed boob but then camille quotes me saying i'm an "arms guy" which is the only thing she used that made me kind of mad because 1. "i'm an ____ guy" changes pretty much weekly for me (today's special: THIGHS) and 2. i think it's kind of rude and tactless when guys publicly post their shape/size/body part preferences on the net because if you "only date girls 400+" or "extreme pears" then why do i always see you with like 250 lb gurls who look slightly insecure about their apple shape??? okay! tangent!

- speaking of objects, i suppose it's time to address the riotsnotdiets audience! we were asked about the parts of women we grab and why we grab them, when we first knew we wanted to grab them, why we think we want to grab them, and how we struggle in our daily lives with friends and family who can't understand why we want to grab them. we were not asked why we like fat girls' brains! fat girl's brains are the same as every other girl's brains! the author did not think there was a difference between fat girls' and thin girls' brains and therefore she did not ask us stuff like "are fat girls smarter/funnier/more grateful after sex" - i told you she's a smart lady! she knows the only difference between fat girls and thin girls is that they are jigglier.

- she also wanted to know about sex! why did she want to know about sex? i just saw bridesmaids and they gave my poor beloved sookie st. james a big fucking sandwich to eat off of an air marshall's body and wouldn't let her wear any makeup and look just trust me a lot of people just have no idea what fat girls do in bed with us i think they think our dicks don't fit in their oversize epidemically obese pussies so they have to eat giant sandwiches off of us.

- FAs are neither made out to be superheroes saving the world one jiggly fuck at a time nor are they made out to be losers and freaks! we come off as guys who date and fuck and talk about boobs like any other male obsessed with gurls! besides my unparalleled expertise at being lifelong turned on by fat girls i was brought in as sort of a "people curator" for the piece so i got to pick friends and acquaintances for her to also interview for the piece who wouldn't make me regret doing it.

- i had many, many, many cool people to choose from who i wanted to represent what i'll offensively deem The Normal FA. but i picked: a remarkably intelligent and sexay NY couple i've been excellent friends with since before they were a couple, a couple other couples who seem witty and smart and committed (including one with a remarkably self-aware girl who wants to lose 200 lbs or so with an FA bf who's totally 100% cool with that because he already knew about her diet blog and she already knew he was an FA and then they got engaged), a charming manslut who might be closet but certainly banged my ex, a 500 lb. non-webmodel with a gap in her teeth and a stutter who gets an exorbitant number of suitors. oh, and did i mention a DOCTOR.

- 500 lb. "but walking" girl says her fave position is on top! in the fucking village voi--ok i'll stop

- here's who was not represented in the piece: straight female FAs, fat guys, anyone LGBT (well, at least one of the interviewed ladies was bi to my know), anyone older than 7 billion. i'm sorry you were not represented in the piece. i'm not that sorry though, i know nothing about your experience and i do not feel qualified to represent you. i'm also pretty sure camille chose the straight/young/hip (mostly) white male archetype because what straight white males say is perceived as the majority rule and to subvert the subvertibles you have to find the most conventional people possible and then suddenly make them do other shit like love fat chicks all of a sudden out of nowhere cuz we're postmodern as fuck. if you don't think loving fat chicks is postmodern you're probably not postmodern and probably just modern. i think people are relatively more aware of fat acceptance among the LGBT community (DA BEARSSS) and it doesn't take a big stretch of logic to associate old people with fat people because most of the fat people the earth has seen in lasting relationships are old and married or settled or whatever (i assume this is how they are associated). straight/young/hip (mostly) white males being into fat chicks is the truly shocking story to the people who needed this article to tell them fat chicks get hollered at not just cuz they're funny. that's why it was the story. if you felt unrepresented, i encourage you for real to get the media's attention yourselves, tell your stories, create your own media if necessary. make films, hold film festivals, write essays, publish essay collections, start riotnotdietgrrrl bands. (please start riotnotdietgrrrl bands)

just to recap, here are the following goals accomplished by the piece:
X girl i love almost on the cover of village voice
X population of nyc now aware that bellyrubs and stuff is on the table
X came out to some family members by default but they didn't act weird or go WHATABOUTHEALTH cuz distracted by accomplishment
X hollered at by two actresses, one 80s one-hit wonder, one ex-lover, one college classmate, two high school classmates (one of whom proudly stated her preference for short men!) and a few people like this kid:

I am a young guy who is an FA and I am having trouble coming out.
I have been the subject of ridicule from some of my friends whilst trying to do it sort of undercover... if you get what I mean. I guess I am a pretty insecure person and I just need a way to tell them where they won't ridicule me. umm yeah.
I have read a bit of your blog but not much and when I found it it was a godsend. I just feel so much better.

X 500 lb girl allowed to be quoted as loving being on top in bed without being painted to look like a sideshow
X physician allowed to talk about health @ every size in a major paper and not painted cuckoo
X got to meet and be close and cool with camille dodero noted queen of the juggalos
X pissed off nick southall

also i am relaunching this blog 2.0 on tumblr - anyone good at customizing these fucking layouts?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Over the past four years, I've been dating this guy on and off, and we've only had sex about three times, all of which have been when I was drunk. I always try everything i can to seduce him, but he wont sleep with me when I'm sober. He is a total FA, and is attracted to me, but he just won't be intimate with me. I spend a lot of time sleeping over at his house, and sleeping in the same bed, but it never goes past cuddling. Whenever I try to address the problem outside of the bedroom, he shuts me out and will ignore me for weeks. Other than sex, I've had a real connection with this guy, but I can't see moving any farther with him if I can't get any! Do you know why he would act this way, or how i should go about it?

The three times you had sex were when you were drunk? It would be more consistent with his shyness and refusal if it was he only loosened up when he was wasted, which as you and I both know, is the mating call of the closeted FA.

I guess there's too many holes here to plug for me to give you a definitive answer, but here are the questions: what makes you sure he's a "total FA" and attracted to you? Has he successfully had sex more than three drunk times with other girls (fat or thin)? Was anything else different about the circumstances where you were drunk? And what excuses does he give when you're trying to seduce him?

Here's what it sounds like to me: any guy who ignores you for weeks if you confront him, leads you on and only has sex with you when you're drunk is a type-A asshole. Even if he began fucking you regularly and happily, this terrible communicator does not sound like a prize.

If you sleep over that often and you really want an answer, he deserves to be confronted straight up: "Have you ever noticed we've only had sex when I was drunk? Why won't you take my come-ons seriously when I'm not? I want you to tell me if I'm wasting my time."

But I'll answer that last one for you: yes.

Monday, July 12, 2010

How big is your girlfriend, and do you love everything ELSE about her, as well? ;-)

Big enough to know better than to date someone who doesn't love everything else about her.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Honest question, I found this blog via a website for guys who like fat chicks, so why would I have to ask you a question about liking fat chicks?

Some dudes have less (or different) experience than others. Some are in the closet. Some want to go back in the closet. Some are dealing with a tough situation with a fat girl who hates herself or wants to lose weight. Some dudes are cool around thin girls and their friends but go to a BBW event and get awkward or anxious.

That's just off the top of my head what kind of advice just other straight male FAs might want to ask for. If you're cool and confident and you don't need the advice you might just want to read it or comment? I mean who knows, maybe someone will ask what girls I recommend masturbating to?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What were you doing during your break from your blog?

Paid writing, eating Malaysian, fucking my girlfriend.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

As a guy who's not especially attracted to BBWs (I'm attracted to all kinds), I'm curious to see if FAs are exclusively attracted to BBWs and nobody else or if you are attracted to thinner girls too?


Very occasionally I spy a gorgeous one, but they don't really stand out to me in terms of physical attraction unless they're ultra-voluptuous or uniquely shaped. I'd imagine if I was inclined to date one she would fall into one of those categories. That said, having saturated myself with fat-fat-fat for over a very horny decade I do "notice" thin girls now more than I ever did. Chalk it up to getting boring in my old age.