Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm a fellow FA, and my girlfriend is right on the edge of normal and plus-sized. We've been together a few years and I'm getting pretty sure that she's the one, but she really resents the fact that I'm an FA. It's an issue you touched on in a previous response: the "Am I fat enough?" issue. I find all kinds of fat chicks from a little chubby to really huge attractive, but she assumes that bigger is always better since I'm an FA. Now granted I do have weightgain fantasies regarding her but that's just my lower brain's idea of "best possible thing that could happen without concern for real life consequences." We've had a frank and honest discussion about the issue but I think she's still really uneasy about it, and despite everything probably (still) thinks I'll leave her the minute I find a gigantic woman or something. Any advice?


If she resents you being an FA, she probably resents being on the cusp of plus-sized even more. I've been in your shoes and from my experience, the bigger girls who long ago accepted being fat have had less qualms about staying that way (and weightgain fantasies in particular) than the on-the-fence girls who just know they'll be just purrrfect once they skirt those meddlesome 20, 30 lbs. You can either give her trust issues time to dissolve and see if she's still neurotic years from now, or throw up your hands sooner.

Note to girlfriend about said weightgain fantasies: when someone chooses to date you, it's assumed he or she likes you at that weight. Weightgain is not a "fulfillable" fetish, you don't reach XX pounds and boyfriend is cured of his kink, so girlfriend needs to accept that 1) she'll be doing her share of fantasy work and 2) you don't actually need her to change.

Normally I'd say that she also needs to accept that you identify as a Fat Admirer. But being mid-sized is a tough spot; if you were to bring her to BBW events she'd feel out of place and paranoid, and she could be understandably poky about even being referred to as "fat" if she's not actually. Don't routinely rub in something she could see as a deficiency on her part. If you're choosing to date her rather than a full-blown fatty, take a break from full-blown Fat Admiration.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Is this because you think you can't do any better?


Yes, but not in the way you're thinking.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Dear aguywholikesfatchicks,

Why do so many FAs seem afraid to ask supersized girls out in person? I always get hit on online, but in person, unless I'm at a BBW bash, it rarely happens. Is it my personality, is my ass just too freaking big, or are many just giant pussies? What's up?


Your ass is just too freaking big, BBM. Nah, we really are giant pussies. It's a great shame that the FA/BBW social dynamic is so one-sided; you ladies deserve a level playing field like the skinnies. Not being able to know who's into what is one of the many tasteless parallels I'll continue to make between fat culture and gay culture, but at least they have rainbows and triangles and leather rocket launchers to clue you in. I'd like to take this space to propose that the chunky plus sign symbol discussed by many a fattylover (including myself and Ms. AnnMarie) officially be put into action finally. I want to see t-shirts, bumper stickers, subway graffiti, completely fagged-out fatties dressed like math problems. Make it so - kthx. People like BBM here would like to know who you are.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

What's the best way to get a fat girl to put out?


Cupcakes. Anyone offended by that answer is such a big fucking liar.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Why is body size less of any issue in queer female communities, supposedly? Is that biology over environment, too?


More like empathy over stupidity. Not that there's anything wrong with having a preference but the well-documented alliance of a fat/queer nexus is at least refreshingly free of "one right answer" to the beauty question. They get better PR too; see how many of your normal friends know what a "bear" is and I bet not a fucking one of them has heard of an "FA."

Thursday, February 19, 2009

How do you ask a girl if she is pregnant, or "just hot"?


With a death wish?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

OK, here's the biggest issue of most single fat admirers - How does an FA approach a new BBW and show interest in a way that gets past the reservations that have been inbred by our society? I know what my answer has historically been to this question but I'm suggesting you might want to use and reply to it.


O Great Observational One, all I know, if I know anything in my 24 short years is, if you're going to do something, be sincere and be persistent. In romantic cases, triangulate this advice with another good rule of thumb: whatever you do, don't be creepy. Make being the opposite of creepy your main objective. In anything really; coming clean to a girlfriend about your weird fetish isn't actually creepy in itself, do everything in your power to keep that so when communicating. If a girl tells you you are being creepy, heed her words, figure out what you did, and zap it.

That was a half-tangent, half-disclaimer. But yeah, convincing a fat girl you Really Like Her (Who, me? Yes, you!) is the usual social balancing act. Ask her out and be sincere. If she's not yet educated that People Like You Exist OMG, do your best to take responsibility for and not scar her for life and ruin her opinion of us for the next one who comes along. Have a pair and be able to introduce her to your friends or family members, take her to public places, meet your Pilates instructor, whatever the normies do. If you can sustain [{Sincerity + Persistence ÷ Creepy} x Balls = ∑] you will eventually debrick that wall - one of my exes thought for months I was "just being nice." Just don't be reckless. Oh, and defending your fatty's honor when the time arises (and usually it does), is always a good look.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Your link to hogging made me sad. What exactly is the difference between plain ol' hogging versus "sweat-hogging?" I'm asking you instead of googling it myself because I'm hoping you'll break it to me gently.

- A sad fat chick

They're the same thing.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Dear Guy Who Likes Fat Chicks, Why is it that bellies are so beautiful?

Frisky in Frisco

FIF, they're soft, they're decadent, they represent a life well-lived, and they look good in motion.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Is it easy for you to tell when a fat woman is feeling insecure upon a first meeting? Have any been able to hide it well, at first?

-Green Eyed Fairy

It's not really hard to tell, but girls can be wily about making their feelings known. I knew she was shy but had no idea how precisely terrified my longest-term ex was when we first kissed - her first ever - until I read about it in a short story she wrote. Of course, "insecure" is hardly limited to girls with panic disorders. Some BBW webmodels I've met are among the most neurotic women I've ever known. That's not a knock on any of them though, just a remind that girls who take their clothes off are human too. Maybe more than most. Anyway, everyone knows it's the guys who hold their exes responsible for their whole miserable lives that are least secure of all.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Is it true that fat girls are better at giving blowjobs than normal chicks? (A question I've actually been asked before)


I cannot tell a lie - I've had pretty respectable blowjobs from girls of all sizes. Fat girls give the best cuddles by a longshot, though.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Is it because fat girls are easy?


If only. Try convincing an archetypal "easy" fat girl to do it with the light on or let you play with her belly or refer to her as "fat" without sobbing and trying to throw up the nice dinner you bought her. Spend weeks convincing her you're Not Joking, your buddy's not gonna jump out of the closet with Tucker Max and a camera. Cave and show her your porn collection one night just to draw big red circles around You Not Joking. Watch it backfire into sub-issues like Am I Too Small For You or Do You Only Like Pears. Never ever let her find out what "hogging" is. Fat girls are just as complicated and frustrating as any other earthling.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


I like fat chicks, too. I'm in NYC and I'm wondering if you or your readers are aware of any strip clubs in the area that feature fat chicks. I'm not talking artsy-ass burlesque shows, either - I want a plain old strip club just like the ones I've been dragged to after bachelor parties thrown by skinny chick loving friends: bad music, creepy guys, odd odors, lap dances, overpriced beer, etc.


As a fellow NYCer who just attended the artsy-ass burlesquerie of Dirty Martini, Miasia and (of course) the World Famous BOB at the grand opening of Re/Dress off Boerum Pl. (and enjoyed it quite a bit), I'm afraid to inform that after the usual Googling (re: research) I remain as stumped as you, my friend. Besides the my bedroom (hurr), the only trade secrets I've got are conventional wisdom: LA and the ATL are your hotspots for, respectively, fatcentric clubs and bigger "normal" strippers, and Nancy Goddess' infamous weekly parties in NYC have T, B and A to spare (I'm living proof - one of the girls in the runway show singled out my pasty face to sink her battleships). Short of hiring your own strippers, your best bet is still - until some master fatty-loving entrepreneur heeds our call - going to the official bashes to achieve viewage of the most fatties in the least clothes. Good luck finding overpriced beer in NYC though.

Friday, February 6, 2009

What is the best position in your opinion with a fat girl?

-Whale Wang Willy

All of them, duh. If you're having actual trouble in your fattyfucking pursuits, this is pretty much the best guide extant. Don't be discouraged or embarrassed by everything in the way, ladies and germs; half the fun is all that shuffling around. Just take your time and don't be stabby you're when poking around. Don't be afraid to use pillows if you have to. Depending on the lady's size and shape (and yours), you may not be able to do everything. But you can do more than you think. Find out what works for you and don't get frustrated if that takes a bit.

Me personally, I'm especially fond of girl on top, spooning, and reverse cowgirl. Doggy just barely misses the first tier. I've developed a serious affinity for 69ing. Girl on top, me underneath, warm belly pressing down on me with her ass in my face and my paws around her breasts or stomach or thighs while we suck each other to blastoff? Competing to see who can make it harder for the other to concentrate? Yes, please.