Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm not on the cusp. I'm one hundred percent a fat girl. As far as I know I've never been with a guy who identifies as an FA, bit I have known several and am good friends with a handful, to the point where we've discussed their taste in women. Here's my question: do you think that there's possibly a bit of a gap in the continuum, between like 'Fat' and 'FAT.', where a girl is just frankly too fat for any 'regular' guy (non-FA), but completely not fat enough for an FA to ever be interested? Because at the end of the day, I'm pretty sure that's where I reside. Bodily speaking I've really got all the parts - huge belly, big old ham thighs, backrolls, the works. But altogether as a package I just fail to take up as much room as any of the fat women I know to whom FAs flock like swallows to Capistrano. I've even asked FAs whom I know if they would ever think I'm attractive (awkward, I realize, but less so in context), and whether it's deflection or not the answer I always get is: "You've got a great personality (etc), but I like women who are larger than you. Sorry! *noogie* Let's go get a beer, sport." Now I know the 'great personality' line is pretty much guyspeak for 'your face gives me dry heaves but you also tell funny jokes sometimes', but focusing on the fat aspect:...

Just asking: as a guy who likes fat chicks and who presumably networks with other guys who do, honestly: is there any hope for me? Because if there is, I know it's definitely not emanating from the non-FA end of the spectrum. Again, I am just way, way too fat for any of them. The FA end is the one I'm holding out hope for.

With that said, however, feel free to crush that hope if necessary.

-Fat? Fat.

I hope this blog doesn't turn into people just emailing to ask "is there hope for me?" because a) I don't know any of you and b) I could never tell anyone to just stop looking, you're hopeless. If I knew someone who was hopeless, I'd be able to identify why they're hopeless (body odor, prior sex offenses, sociopathic behavior) and give it to them straight, provided they won't kill me.

No need to crush that hope; there's not actually someone for everyone but that doesn't put you on one side or the other. I don't know if your face will make me dry-heave because I've never seen it, but your email displays a fair amount of personality so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you just Haven't Found One Yet.

That said, some of info you gave me is confusing or conflicted: you've never been with anyone who identifies as an FA but you also stated you're too fat for non-FAs. Because you said "as far as I know" and not "I've never had a date" I'm going to assume you've successfully dated a few non-FAs, actually! Then the issue of your size...I don't know what size you are exactly, but left to guess, I doubt the universe lined it up so you're at some one-in-a-million exact height/weight cutoff for FAs/non-FAs. More likely you just haven't found one yet.

So here are some suggestions. If you are indeed positive it's your size or shape that's unattractive, why not try toning exercises, not to slim down, but maybe to make your fat more shapely? I know people in the 300-400 lb. range who work out to retain their shape. I've never exercised in my life except for the occasional crunch, but I think squats shape your butt and push-ups do your chest. But before you do that even, if you have as good platonic relationships with your FA friends as you say, grant them amnesty (if you promise not to ask them out) and ask them if it's your face or some weird mole you haven't told me about or what. It's possible you're just too small for them but I find it hard to believe based on your history that non-FAs are off the table entirely if you're really that not-fat-enough. Oh, and keep looking.

EDIT: this reader has identified herself to me and I assure that she's perfectly cute. Either looking in the wrong places or she must smell horrible.


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  2. I think you're off base on this one.

    Perhaps the lady in question is giving off a friends vibe to these men. Also, asking if someone finds you attractive is extremely off putting and makes you look needy.

    Is she meeting these men online? Bad venue. The internet allows one to build up a fantasy of the 'perfect woman' and rarely does anyone fit within those parameters. Too small, too this, too that. It's a great way of avoiding relationships except for the occasional fatty fuck fest.

  3. "Also, asking if someone finds you attractive is extremely off putting and makes you look needy. "
    -Granted, and acknowledged in the original question. But understand that it's not like I marched up to these guys, tapped them on the shoulder, and demanded to know immediately whether they found me fuckable or not.
    Everything has a context, and I highly doubt everyone hasn't made that exact type of inquiry of someone they know, at one point or another.
    Also: not meeting men online. I'm too old for terrible ideas like that.

  4. "The internet allows one to build up a fantasy of the 'perfect woman' and rarely does anyone fit within those parameters. Too small, too this, too that."

    You know the men on the internet are the same ones you meet on the street, right? Men have built up a fantasy of the "perfect woman" since the days of foot-binding. One nice luxury of the internet is getting to fetter most of them out first without having to meet face-to-face.